is it because of stress?

i can feel it, that the love is: empty.

i’m not sure, what to say nor to type.

it it because of my voice?

sorry, i was created this way, there is nothing i can do, to change my voice.

is it because of my body weight?

sorry, i am the lazy *ss girlfriend that can’t be your jogging partner as you wanted to.

is it because of my travel experience?

sorry, my mom is super duper busy working to raise my brother and i, that when she’s on her leave, we just cherish our time fully at home cause we know how tired she is.

is it because of my result?

sorry that i’m not intelligent enough to argue facts with you.

sorry that i can’t fulfil your standard that deserve any praises from you.

well, neither do you,. so you can take your steps and walk through the door, i’ll held it for you.

don’t be afraid to hurt me. just let me..go. set me free. i’m waiting.. 


should you be surprised? idts.

so, my second latest post, i was saying that i wont talk about my love life, right?

sorry, but i have to break my words. i can’t keep this any longer. I am someone’s girlfriend now.

hmm.. how to start. i’m nervous writing this post (no jokes, my keyboard is wet right now). huhhh… first and foremost, i wont tell his name, but i will called him, Ken (an idea i got from Barbie and Ken** excuse me for being childish). this relationship i have with him, is something that i value. i’m serious with this, yes, i love him.

urgh, this is so not cool. but, what to do, i have to share it on Pandaeyes. okay, Ken is my senior, he noticed me since last semester, but we only started to talk with each other this semester. it didn’t take too long for me to notice how sincere he is. he put much effort(s?) just to show me that he is serious. for the past 5 years (of being single) there are few reasons why i wouldn’t break my walls for a relationship. but this guy, i knew, i can trust him, and maybe it’s time for me to open up my walls, and with him, maybe, just maybe, it would be worth it.

the first thing that i love about him (LOL, i can sing the 7 things song right now), or why i trust him, because he respect me as a girl. i dont know how to explain, but, its there, he showed respect, not just like the other guy, who tried to approach me, and like pushing me to be their girlfriend and so on.

seriously, in relationship, i am a broken piece of s***. i’m a drama queen. i’m insecure. i know people will left, i know people will cheat, i know there are many pretty girls out there. but, Ken, he saw me at my worst, he proved it to me, that i’m beautiful too, and one of my bad day ever, which is my worst tudung-day., he saw it, he know how grumpy i am if my tudung is not on fleek, but he just there, staying and making me feel less insecure about it. moreover, the effort that he put, just to make happy. i’m a spoiled girlfriend right now.

we are in our early stage right now, many more to come. but.., i’m glad i’ll walk the journey with him.

i know this is annoying, but, i promise you, more to come. sorry readers.


stage fright? well well well. dont talk to me. of course, I am.

this semester I have 2 biggest presentations. no jokes. thinking back, fuhh. i survived. without failure (forgetting few sentences, but, still, OKAY).

the night before the presentation day, believe me, i’m the most confident girl ever, knowing my script, i knew what i’ll talk about, i’m ready. in addition, calling my mom some more, for restu. 

but, on the day itself, when my team take the stage, mannnn… heart attack? i think my heart doesn’t knew how to beat properly at that time. but, my tips, i always have this mantra “just one go, just one go, do your best, this day will passed.” and that’s it.

but, before that, you know what the hardest thing? when i have the worst team members  ever. *cries* . i can’t do nothing about this tho. it’s the challenges kan, itsokay, still survived. whenever you are in this situation, just do your part, the best as you could, dont rely on others, yes its teamwork but sometimes people like this,.. emm.. face it ja la. 

but in the end, most important thing, is what i gain from it, confident. and i still have stage fright, but, i know how to handle it now.

*drop mic*


new pages..

hello readers!

there are few reasons why i didn’t write anything for the past few weeks (months? lol)

first and foremost, I HAVE NO IDEA / ANYTHING TO SHARE. seriously. if u know me that much, you will figure it out, that i will update something related with my “love life”. sorry, but not this time. or another few years.. maybe. cause i don’t want to share anything that related with it. its kinda boring. kan?

but the problem is, my life is not that interesting enough to share about other thing. i don’t travel, nor read any novels.

my life right now, rolling with assignment and assignment, and whenever i went back to my hometown, my holiday journey stop there. nothing much.

therefore, i need your help, on how to improve my blog, what do you want to hear from me?

started to dislike trending#

one by one, the trending # keep breaking my heart…

i faced double impact and its breaking my heart in just a week.. man, at this point I dont know whether I can face any breaking/bad news again. enough please. my heart at its weakest right now.. its beating in a slow pulse.. very slow. its suffocating.

first, why the Beauty and the Beast # is trending? then, it hit me once, crashed me, “they banned it”.. i forgot how to breath, how to think.. they crushed my dream in one motion. Man! its hurt! if only you can see me few days ago, you’ll know how pale my face can be. Its crashing me, totally and completely. I can’t expressed how broken I’m at that time. only I know how sakit it is.

then… here’s come another trending # that make write this post.


#EXorDIUMinMalaysia ,

when i saw it, i keep praying, please, this can’t be real, please, this can’t be real, please not now, please dont. I keep repeating it over and over again, hoping that it’s just a fake news.

and, yeah, it is real… I stop breathing.

wow, my heart is strong enough to handle these heart breaker trending # in a week. I’m not yet recover from the first # now comes this.

to be honest, I’m not a fan of EXO. I can’t understand and not bother to understand what their song are about, I can’t list all of their album, I can’t even sing their song inside the bathroom,  but I’m head over heels with their leader, Suho.

I can’t help myself from becoming one of his fan and be the cliche’ teenage girl(march 2017, still teenager okay. not yet 20)  with a big dream. I watched his(Suho) recent drama, I watched youtube, all about him and the one I love the most is when they are performing their live concert, I can see what a man he can be, his sense of humour, the real him, not a character that he needed to play, just him. Then it’s hit me, if only I can see him standing in front of my eyes, just standing and it will be enough. And the only way I can do it by attending his or their concert. I thought to myself, not in anyway I can do that, only if they have their concert in Malaysia. now its here. But I can’t do anything about it.. The tickets sold out in minutes and going to a concert is not me, even if it is Taylor Swift, I will never be attracted with the idea of “attending a concert”.

but, this one, its just break me. Hope you are in your pink of health, Suho.









……burying my dreams. 

whenever they say it is easy .. 

I live up with big expectations from my family. Since my brother and I are the first MY’s grandchildren, the pressure is on us. Score well, straight A’s, science class.. but, i think the pressure is more on me, cause I have to compete with my brother, he knew how to read first, he knew how to read the jawi first, the quran, everything, and our one year gap adding more impact on me. It’s sucks. The list goes on,,, sports and academic, my brother leads everything.

fast forward, now my brother is following my mom’s footsteps.. but me, taking accounting & finance course here. Like hello. Hi. 

My uncles and aunties think that accounting is easy. No it isn’t. Seriously, it’s not. No. I still don’t get it where the “easy” word comes from.. no matter what courses that you take, there’s no easy, there are hardwork & determination. 

Recently, there’s a girl, my junior, mengadu about how hard accouting is, and she cannot cooperate with her tutorial lecturer. At that state, I can’t give any tips to her, cause I was in her place too, the only thing that I do, is studying. There’s no shortcut… if you’re hoping for a miracle, miracle does come with a hardwork. 

Never give up… #notetomyself

1st year 2nd semester


to be honest, I saw the frequent visit of my blog visitors everyday, lately. THANK YOU so much for visiting my blog whenever you have time to do so and SORRY for not updating anything for the past few days… as you can see from the title of this blog, I’ve been busy, focusing and preparing myself for the new semester and spending my time at it fullest at home and now, I miss my home more than I can imagine (blame the 3 months holiday *sad face*).

it’s been three days after i flew from home, unpacking & buying groceries. Seriously I have no idea that i have sooooo manyyy stufff to unpack. it’s leceh. Due to influence of Harry Potter series on HBO back home, how I wish I’m a wizard and I can swing my wand to arrange all my stuff to the wardrobe.


next .. TADAAAA!!! I’m so grateful for this, my housemate went to Osaka, Japan during the summer break and she knew how much I love green tea and she bought this for me. Can you see how much she loves me. LOL. perasan japp. 


next, my notebook for the new semester. I could cry watching cute stuff and I have no doubt grabbing these books at Kaison few months ago, and I’ve been waiting for so long to use these for my classes to add a little cuteness during my stressful unilife. hee. okay, over.


lastly, playlist. love. Suddenly I’m a fan of Ryan Mccartan, no doubt, he’s handsome *wink.


p/s : sorry for this lame update. i’ll write more after this. surely. Actually I lapar while writing this post, that’s why i came out lame as lame as my tummy. HEHE