started to dislike trending#

one by one, the trending # keep breaking my heart…

i faced double impact and its breaking my heart in just a week.. man, at this point I dont know whether I can face any breaking/bad news again. enough please. my heart at its weakest right now.. its beating in a slow pulse.. very slow. its suffocating.

first, why the Beauty and the Beast # is trending? then, it hit me once, crashed me, “they banned it”.. i forgot how to breath, how to think.. they crushed my dream in one motion. Man! its hurt! if only you can see me few days ago, you’ll know how pale my face can be. Its crashing me, totally and completely. I can’t expressed how broken I’m at that time. only I know how sakit it is.

then… here’s come another trending # that make write this post.

EXOrdium-in-Malaysia-poster

#EXorDIUMinMalaysia ,

when i saw it, i keep praying, please, this can’t be real, please, this can’t be real, please not now, please dont. I keep repeating it over and over again, hoping that it’s just a fake news.

and, yeah, it is real… I stop breathing.

wow, my heart is strong enough to handle these heart breaker trending # in a week. I’m not yet recover from the first # now comes this.

to be honest, I’m not a fan of EXO. I can’t understand and not bother to understand what their song are about, I can’t list all of their album, I can’t even sing their song inside the bathroom,  but I’m head over heels with their leader, Suho.

I can’t help myself from becoming one of his fan and be the cliche’ teenage girl(march 2017, still teenager okay. not yet 20)  with a big dream. I watched his(Suho) recent drama, I watched youtube, all about him and the one I love the most is when they are performing their live concert, I can see what a man he can be, his sense of humour, the real him, not a character that he needed to play, just him. Then it’s hit me, if only I can see him standing in front of my eyes, just standing and it will be enough. And the only way I can do it by attending his or their concert. I thought to myself, not in anyway I can do that, only if they have their concert in Malaysia. now its here. But I can’t do anything about it.. The tickets sold out in minutes and going to a concert is not me, even if it is Taylor Swift, I will never be attracted with the idea of “attending a concert”.

but, this one, its just break me. Hope you are in your pink of health, Suho.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

……burying my dreams. 

A little pride…


Posted it back in 2015, now 2017. Still the same… and nothing wrong with that. Okay.

I almost did it, almost. Lowering my pride to be in a relationship, lying with my feeling or even worse, playing with someone’s heart. Almost.

Then i ask to myself, why do i have to do it? Is it even worth it? Holding myself for so long and ended with a start of lie? Is it even worthy? How do my heart go?

Then it hits me… dont.

Don’t lie. Stay true to your heart. Don’t push yourself. Let the feeling flows. Don’t play with person’s heart. You know how hurtful it is.

Then, dont.

i’m not sad, nor broken of being single. I’m happy. 🦄

for the first time, i totally believe, and not blaming the faith… being single is beautiful.

After 4 years, then the 5th year i learn to redha. Not questioning nor stressing about it. I feel relief. Allahhuakbar..

i know…

You might say I’m the bad one, I’m the one who doesn’t love you anymore, I’m the one who’s mentally ill and doesn’t deserve to have that chances..

I just want to explain and this words keep repeating inside my head and makes my heart burst and shout “I KNOW, I KNOW BECAUSE I CARE!”

You said you love me, you said you were afraid to hurt me…you know what, you’re killing me… You said all of the sweet words, and at the end…you stucked with her. Her. Yes, her. I knew about it and I’m acting like I don’t give a damn about it. 

How could you.. i saw all of it.. i saw it. Please,.. it’s hurt so much. I just wish i can hate you. I remember your words saying “i’m hoping that we can meet again in the future, cause I don’t want to hurt you right now. I’m falling for you. I love you..” 

man… why do we need to meet each other and hurting one another.? Do you hate me? At the end, i’m still blaming myself, what did i do wrong? Why I wasn’t enough for you. Why did you do that… it’s okay if you do that and never show up, but still, you keep stalking me.. why.. stop.. make me forget about you.. stop.. i want to build myself.. please.. 

it’s been a year now, and still the feeling is still there. Yes. I still have the feeling for you. Stupid me. You teach me how to cheat but still I can’t hate you… 

Before you decided to love me.. 

Before you decide to love me, I want you to know that I am a person who notices everything and gets hurt even with the slightest change in the tone. No, I might not show it, but deep down that hurt does get settled.

Before you decide to love me, please understand that I am not good with showing my emotions. I always show the opposite of what I feel, something I developed after being hurt just a little too much.
Before you decide to love me know that I will always love you and I mean always because I never learned how to unlove someone. 

Before you decide to love me do remember that I am a person who loves long hugs, deep talks, sitting at the rooftop watching the stars, going on long drives and cuddling.
Before you decide to love me remember that I am a sensitive person. I am a moody person too, and when I feel low please don’t leave, just hold me in your arms and let me drown out the noise. 

Before you decide to love me do understand that I love you the most and will always be there with you. No matter how hard you try to push me away, I won’t leave, because my love for you is going to be stronger than anything. I will sit with you when you feel low, handle all your anger and let you have space and despite this, will still choose to love you.
Before you decide to love me know that I am not like most girls. I don’t sparkle and shine. I trip over words and I over think. I don’t have it all figured out. But I will love you differently than you have ever been loved before, because I love myself thin, I love until I’m empty. I love hard, and if I have chosen to give that love to you, you will never feel alone.
#words Priyanshi Mehra

#art @thought.is

#girl @charlottesmckee

discover…

the more I see the world, the more I discover every person that lives in it… the more I know how small I am.

have to admit, it’s hard to compete. everyone has their own greatness, their own talent, their own specialty..

giving up is the last thing I will do right now.

i have to discover and keep discovering on what I capable of, what I’m good at, what I need to improve..

fuhh.. long journey ahead. there’s up and downs. and, yup, I’m still breathing. how cool is that? some road has been passed..some road need to be walk by.

⭐️🚶🏻‍♀️🚶🏻‍♀️🚶🏻‍♀️

When people walk away, you learn to love yourself more.

Not because they didn’t love you enough. But because when people leave you, the affirmation, love and acceptance you no longer get are being given to you by none other than yourself. You learn to keep yourself. You learn to accept yourself from the darkest parts to the most astounding parts. You learn that a romantic partner does not verify your worth as an individual. You learn that the approval of others doesn’t really make any paramount changes. That if people don’t have the capability to love you or accept you, it’s okay, because that doesn’t lessen your incredible individuality. You learn that it’s fine to be the one who’s left behind because it opens marvelous opportunities for you to be alone. And in being alone, you learn more about yourself, you fall in love with yourself.
When people walk away, you learn that you don’t have to put your heart into the hands of people who fumble with it— that you should never settle for anything less than what you deserve.
When people walk away, you learn the magnificence of growth.
You learn that everyone should undergo a metamorphosis. A grandiose growth and development of the mind, body and soul. You learn that everyone you meet plays a striking role in reconstructing you and your whole being. Everyone teaches you a lesson, everyone leaves a mark – whether it is a scar or a smile.
When people walk away, you learn to embrace your flaws and take pride in it.
You learn that we are all growing and conquering. And that it’s inevitable to lose some people that have been a part of your life. You learn that having people walk away from you is part of your journey. You learn that having less noise in your life is indeed a good treatment to your being. And without so much influence from all these people, you discover yourself. You paint your own soul.
#words @diantinio 

#art @dfreske