1st year 2nd semester

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to be honest, I saw the frequent visit of my blog visitors everyday, lately. THANK YOU so much for visiting my blog whenever you have time to do so and SORRY for not updating anything for the past few days… as you can see from the title of this blog, I’ve been busy, focusing and preparing myself for the new semester and spending my time at it fullest at home and now, I miss my home more than I can imagine (blame the 3 months holiday *sad face*).

it’s been three days after i flew from home, unpacking & buying groceries. Seriously I have no idea that i have sooooo manyyy stufff to unpack. it’s leceh. Due to influence of Harry Potter series on HBO back home, how I wish I’m a wizard and I can swing my wand to arrange all my stuff to the wardrobe.

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next .. TADAAAA!!! I’m so grateful for this, my housemate went to Osaka, Japan during the summer break and she knew how much I love green tea and she bought this for me. Can you see how much she loves me. LOL. perasan japp. 

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next, my notebook for the new semester. I could cry watching cute stuff and I have no doubt grabbing these books at Kaison few months ago, and I’ve been waiting for so long to use these for my classes to add a little cuteness during my stressful unilife. hee. okay, over.

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lastly, playlist. love. Suddenly I’m a fan of Ryan Mccartan, no doubt, he’s handsome *wink.

 

p/s : sorry for this lame update. i’ll write more after this. surely. Actually I lapar while writing this post, that’s why i came out lame as lame as my tummy. HEHE

the path, the timing or ….

if the person who-think-they-know-me read my blog, surely they will really know how looner i am. Is being alone is a bad thing? I dont know, i’m not sure, but I survived…but, still alone. 

i found the right guy, but, we were too young back then, and i was so stupid at that time, and our path crossed again, but now, he’s with someone else.. 

We are not meant for each other. That’s it. I hurt him first, and now he hurt me without knowing… is it stupid, for having a feeling toward ur ex? Is it? Cause i feel stupid enough right now. Hopefully, we didn’t crossed each other on the streets, or coffee house, or the mall, or even toilet’s door. Hopefully. I hope. 

Now, a song cover buy Charity Vance-Alone. I used to watch it on YouTube, but seems like the video lost under the see😭, tell me if you found her video, i love it to death.

I hear the ticking of the clock

I’m lying here the room’s pitch dark

I wonder where you are tonight

No answer on the telephone

And the night goes by so very slow

Oh I hope that it won’t end though

Alone
Till now I always got by on my own

I never really cared until I met you

And now it chills me to the bone

How do I get you alone

How do I get you alone
You don’t know how long I have wanted

To touch your lips and hold you tight, oh

You don’t know how long I have waited

And I was going to tell you tonight

But the secret is still my own

And my love for you is still unknown

Alone

Silent tears…

 
I believe this thing will happen again, again, and over again.

I will always said “I’m used to it..” But, why is it still hurtful? Why my wall didn’t do it’s job?

When will I stop my stupidness and stop hurting my feeling over and over again. I can’t bear it. This time I can’t. 

When all the pressure is on me, I keep praying hard to be strong, to have a positive view, because the hurtful things lead us to something better.

But this time, closing my mouth to hold the sound of the sobbing and stopping the tears from falling so my roommates won’t hear is something….that make me know that I’m hurt. Totally hurt. I need a shoulder, but I know it wont relief the pain, in the end no one cares. It just you.

Is it the point where I should stop hoping that something will never end up the way we wanted… I don’t want to give up.. I still want to fight, but I’m at my weekest spot. I can’t believe my potential anymore. Tell me it will be okay. Tell me. I need some power.., I dont want to tell my family because surely it will break them to hear that I cannot bear it, but please, please, I’m hurting… 

Forever it will always be you and only yourself. This time I admit, I can’t bear it… 

nowplaying : Goo goo dolls – Iris